{"id":5216,"date":"2017-07-03T09:30:06","date_gmt":"2017-07-02T23:30:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/roubler.com\/au\/?p=5216"},"modified":"2018-10-18T17:43:43","modified_gmt":"2018-10-18T06:43:43","slug":"disagree-with-superior","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/roubler.com\/au\/resources\/blog\/disagree-with-superior\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Disagree with Someone Who Is Your Superior"},"content":{"rendered":"

From the playground to the workplace, throughout your life you won\u2019t always see things from other people\u2019s perspective. There will be many times where you don\u2019t agree with someone else\u2019s point of view. Your manager asks you to complete a task you think would be more suited to another employee. Your boss suggests a new idea that in your opinion won\u2019t be successful.<\/p>\n

What do you do in this situation? The person you disagree with has more power than you. Do you say something? Do you bite your tongue? What should you say, and when?<\/p>\n

Co-author of Crucial Conversations, Joseph Grenny, says<\/a> we as humans rebel against conflict with our superiors. \u201cOur bodies specialize in survival, so we have a natural bias to avoid situations that might harm us,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

Barbara Dyer, CEO and President of the Hitachi foundation, agrees. \u201cPeople are fragile,\u201d she writes in an article for Fortune, \u201cdisagreement in the workplace can be threatening and even toxic.\u201d<\/p>\n

With the risk of losing rapport with your boss, or even losing your job, it often seems easier to agree.\u00a0 So how do you disagree the right way with someone of a higher status<\/a>?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n

    Be honest with yourself about the outcome<\/h3>\n

    When people think about confrontation, they immediately turn to the worst possible outcome. You imagine the most nightmarish think that could happen. You could be yelled at in front of everyone. Your pay could be docked. What you need to do is be realistic. Weigh the pros and cons. Assess the risks, and decide whether speaking up will be worth it.<\/li>\n

  2. \n

    Decide when to act<\/h3>\n


    \n<\/strong>Author of Failure to Communicate<\/em>, Holly Weeks, says sometimes it might be best to wait before saying anything. Perhaps \u201cyou haven\u2019t finished thinking the problem through, the whole discussion was a surprise to you, or you want to get a clearer sense of what the group thinks,\u201d she says. \u201cIf you think other people are going to disagree too, you might want to gather your army first.\u201d Other people may be able to contribute ideas, valuable insight or support. What\u2019s more this allows the discussion to continue in a less public place. This way you can a planned, measured discussion without your superior feeling threatened.<\/li>\n

  3. \n

    Work towards a common goal<\/h3>\n


    \n<\/strong>You could come out and state your opinion, and this may work. But this does not identify why the person is making the decision in the first place. Take some time to find some common ground, and understand what they are working towards. What are their motives and values? If you make the disagreement relevant to your shared goal, you will come to the table on more equal footing.<\/li>\n

  4. \n

    Ask permission to say offer a differing view<\/h3>\n


    \n<\/strong>Asking permission to say something may seem old fashioned, but it leaves control in the hands of your superior. When they feel like they are negotiating from a position of power, they may feel more comfortable. If they say yes to you voicing opposition, you will both feel more comfortable going forward.<\/li>\n

  5. \n

    Remain in control<\/h3>\n


    \n<\/strong>In a situation of conflict it is easy for tensions to flare. You could be feeling scared or Your heart could be racing and your mouth dry. But try to promote the appearance of being calm and collected. Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of Silent Messages<\/em> found in his research that up to 55% of a message is communicated nonverbally. If you are reluctant or shifty in your posture, this will create mixed messages. You have to ensure your words and body language agree with each other. Take deep breaths, and slow down your words. A measured, deliberate voice can reassure both parties.<\/li>\n

  6. \n

    Stress that you understand<\/h3>\n


    \n<\/strong>Before you finish your pitch, interjection, or counterargument, return to the person\u2019s own ideas. Liza Landsman, CMO of E-Trade Financial, explains, \u201c<\/strong>elevating to your boss\u2019s level of thinking can help you build credibility, become a more trusted counsel and grow professionally.\u201d If you can explain their view back to them, your boss will see you are knowledgeable. You aren\u2019t fighting about something you don\u2019t understand.<\/li>\n

  7. \n

    Remain impartial where possible<\/h3>\n


    \n<\/strong>You can raise a conflicting point or idea without being accusatory. As Landsman says, \u201cbring data and robust situational analysis to the conversation, rather than beliefs or feelings.\u201d Often using judgemental words, like \u201chasty\u201d or \u201cill-conceived,\u201d can set the person on edge. Focus on the problem, not the players. Instead of suggesting that a strategy lacks experience or forethought, try suggesting that you look at it again from another angle. Something like \u201cwe have worked on projects before that could have progressed more efficiently with a second set of eyes. Perhaps we could try that here.\u201d<\/li>\n

  8. \n

    Be modest<\/h3>\n


    \n<\/strong>Your opinion isn\u2019t the be all end all. You may have taken these steps to ensure it\u2019s thought out and supported, but everyone has their own opinion. Don\u2019t overstep your bounds, and project false confidence. Humbly submit your opinion with certainty but not insolence. Try starting sentences with phrases such as \u201cI\u2019m just thinking aloud here,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m not sure if I\u2019m missing something, but\u2026\u201d These are leading phrases, which allow you to say your opinion without blocking yourself off to other ideas. Be curious about what everyone has to say. You may genuinely be convinced. And if not, you have still spoken your piece.<\/li>\n

  9. \n

    Acknowledge their superiority<\/h3>\n


    \n<\/strong><\/h3>\n

    At the end of the day, you are not the person who has the final say. You must acknowledge that the decision is not in your hands. This shows that while you are willing to put your ideas forward, you\u2019re not going to overstep where you aren\u2019t welcome. Be firm in your ideas and don\u2019t backtrack, but say things like \u201cthis is your decision.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

     <\/p>\n

    So remember, if the situation or decision is important enough to disagree with your superior, make sure you ask first. E.g. \u201cI think I have an idea about this particular section. Would it be okay if I tell you about it?\u201d Make it clear you understand where your boss is coming from. E.g. \u201cI know we\u2019ve decided to work this way because of the time constraints, and that makes sense to me because this is a fast order and the customers are impatient.\u201d Finally, make sure you talk slowly and clearly, ensuring your body language agrees with your words.<\/p>\n

    Don\u2019t say anything accusatory. Try sticking to facts, but make sure you get your point across. Don\u2019t overthink it and worry that you will lose your career. If the disagreement is worth saying, take time to formulate it, and you may come out all the better.<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    From the playground to the workplace, throughout your life you won\u2019t always see things from other people\u2019s perspective. …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":5225,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[885],"tags":[539,6,9,10,11,13,14,39,19,157],"class_list":["post-5216","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-managing-employees","tag-career-choices","tag-employee-engagement","tag-employee-motivation","tag-employee-productivity","tag-employee-retention","tag-hr-software","tag-performance-management-software","tag-roubler","tag-workforce-management-software","tag-workplace-conflict"],"yoast_head":"\nThe best way to disagree with your boss Roubler Australia Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"From the playground to the workplace, you won\u2019t always see things from other people\u2019s perspective. 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